Type: Book
Title: A Storm of Swords
Author: George R.R. Martin

I’m about to warn you all away from one of the most disgusting and upsetting books ever conceived by man, monkey, or J.K. Rowling. A Storm of Swords. The author, George R.R. Martin, is this crazy hack who must get these insane ideas from oxygen depraved hallucinations caused by his mountains of fat blocking his airways and then tries to put them into words. I’m sure he succeeds most of the time with varying levels of incompetence but every now and then one stands out above the rest. There are however many interesting themes in the book that I’m sure parallel Martin’s life in one way or another; Incest, sons disgracing their fathers, and the feeling of being completely and utterly alone being chief amongst them. To quote someone in the book, I forget who, “[Tywin Lannister’s] promise is as good as the gold that he shits.” WHOHHHHHHH I might have actually been paraphrasing there but still, I think they meant George R.R. Martin. This nugget of crap he calls a Storm of Swords had the promise to be everything A Game of Thrones and A Clash of Kings had been. And that’s to say just mildly more entertaining. In fact, let me get to the truth. I haven’t even finished reading this book and I refuse to go past page 705. On that damn page the only two characters worth reading about die. Horribly and tragically and lamely and unnecessarilylyly and stupidly and annoyingly and dumbly and I don’t know how many words I can attach –ly to, to make you understand. This is the WORST free book I have EVER received. DO NOT under any circumstances try to read this. I hope those who do like the book never try to FEED this to anyone else again. THEy would be considered lame DUCKS. (Secret message there) Oh and to make sure you don’t pick it up…..in the end they all die and it was the king’s “son” with the bastard sword in the Hand’s tower. Kidding. I have no idea how this ends.

- A

Adrian loves the Care Bears. He only wants to read books where Winnie the Pooh and his Rainbow Friends frolic magically in the fru-fru gum drop candy bear puppy kitty munch cookies world of imagination and fancy and fun and cookies and munching. That's why he didn't like A Storm of Swords. A Storm of Swords is exactly that. It is a storm. Of. Swords. The main characters step outside and they say, "Hey does that cloud look like it has swords in it?" and the other says, "Yeah I think I heard it was going to sword today." And then it does and everybody caught outside is impaled by billions of swords. Or, metaphorically that's what the book reads like. It is the third in the series A Song of Ice and Fire. Totes awesome series I love and Adrian DIDN'T FINISH THE BOOK so he just bought more collector's edition Hello Kitty lunch boxes. Anyway it's got swords, it's got knights, it's got killing of people you don't expect, it's got it all baby. If you only like to read things where everything happens the way you expect then this isn't for you.

-J